Paranoid


by Matt Rohn

art: Windows Advert

That guy passes, what’s with?

     They are watching me.
     They are always watching me.
     I think it is some sort of experiment, but I’m not sure. They all know me, but they are all assigned roles and pretend to be innocent. I do not know what makes me different from Them, but They know. They put me in this place and made up this world for me.
     I saw this movie on the television the other day that They put me there to see how I would respond. The man on the television knew something of great importance to another “them”, so they put him in a pretend environment and had him exposed to things and watched his response. The man had amnesia, I think. The “them” on the video program needed to know what the man knew.
     I can’t think of anything I have of importance to Them. They must think I have something important. They are reading this. You are one of Them, too. You are one of them put here to pretend to read my story and say it is interesting fantastic gibberish which makes for good reading. I do not think so. That is what You will always say, because if you say something else it will make me remember who I was and They cannot start over again.
     You will say to me, “What an interesting thing.” Then You will tell me I should write more. You might call yourselves fans, or critics, or editors, and read what I write, but in secret Them, You, will try to figure out what it is that I unconsciously let out in what I write. Then They/You will know what it is that I know. They will let me do great things, or perhaps They will have me fail, and so They will follow my life and watch what I do.
     I know that a few of Them are definitely Them. I suggested such a plan to my Them-parents one time at dinner, and my Them-father laughed. My Them-mother also found it was humorous, but there was an eeriness to their laughter, like there was some underlying hidden truth that I had “stubbed my toe” on. They knew I was on to something. They then proceeded to chuckle about it and the subject has never come up again. I do not think I trust my them-parents any more. They all lie to me, but my them-parents’ response was one that stuck out, showing that they knew.
     I do not speak to my them-friends of such things. They might actually pretend to believe me, and then we would get in trouble with the them-authorities, even though my them-friend would be one of them anyway. I might let something that I know out.
     I have contemplated suicide, but perhaps that is what they wish me to do. I know that in my sixteen known years, I have never lost a fight in any situation, and have always triumphed. I could be some sort of superman or superhuman. Or maybe I am the only human in a world of thems.
     Suicide would be a loss. I know in my heart what is right and so I will do good until I find out what it is exactly that they want. If I was a villain, then suicide would not help my reform, since I am good now. I am almost sure that they are the villains. All of them. But I must find out who Them is.
     They never give me any obvious outward signs that They are watching me. Never. Ever. They give me subtle signs. Like the them-people who ignore me at perfect times. Their seclusion of me is a dead giveaway. They keep me away from most other them-people very often, so that they can make sure I don’t change the minds of any of them.
     They aren’t really too bright. Now that I’m onto them, they have tried to up their security measures, but it’s too late. It’s much too late for that. They run around in frenzies of activity when I’m not looking, and keep tabs on me at all times. They think they’re so smart. They try and try to convince me subtly and otherwise that I’m not right. They even interrupted me with a phone call from a them-friend while I was writing this, trying to break my concentration and derail my runaway train of thought. They thought it would work.
     No. I saw through their little plot. I always see through their little plots. The plans aren’t very good, but they try. How they try.
     I must know something very important to them, but now that I’m on to them, I think this should send a message to the highest-up thems that I know. A message that it won’t take me long to figure out what it was that I know or was. Then I’m going to go and do good with it. That’s why they’re worried.
     They still think they know me. Once they see what I’m doing, and the first one of them sees this on the invisible cameras that they have, they’ll be worried. I know about you/them. I know all about you/them. You/them can just keep trying to convince me that my revelation is just a dream, but I know better. And just when you/they think that you/they know and send me to a them-asylum or somewhere, you/they’ll know that I know. You/they’ll know that putting me in one will only confirm that I’m right even more. And when you/they say that what I’m writing is a fantastic paranoid delusion, I’ll know. I always know, now.
     I wonder what their response will be. I don’t think that they will slam me in a prison for the enlightened.  I think they will let me go on. They need to know what it is I know. Besides, it would be rather odd if I, a normal, healthy individual, according to my them-school personality profile, were thrown in a loony bin. But the others who are “healthy individuals” are usually quiet and keep to themselves, and turn out to be psychopathic killers. I am not one of those. I know that. Psychopaths and paranoids and schizophrenics are the you/thems that discourage me from doing anything strange and trying to stay “healthy”.
     When they read this, they will call me sick and paranoid and will try to make me want to be “normal” and “healthy” again. That will mean that I have deviated from their plan. I will have become strange again. I will have changed my destiny from helping them with what I know or am.
     They think they know me. They think I still don’t know and that I’m just coming up with a story. They think I’m just trying to make it in their world. They’re wrong. They even think that this whole series of “I know” and “they think” is building success and tension. It’s not. I know. They think that’s some more of the same and so is this. Heh, heh.
     Here’s the kicker. It’s not me. IT’S YOU. I know what’s going on. I’m trying to evoke a response from YOU.
     You think this is a joke. They are here and I am one of them. We have decided that you don’t catch on even when presented with the truth in its best form. Or that we can overpower you when you reach an epiphanya.
     Heh. Heh. We are watching you. We are all around you. Watching. Waiting. You will give us what we want. Soon.  Heh Heh

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