Tigers of Wrath and Horses of Instruction


By Charles A. Newton
Something wrong with the economy?

     King Tiger, president of the Tigers of Wrath, self-styled  arbiter and spokesman for his investors’ rights group, who are obligated to put 40% in every year to insure themselves against a penniless retirement, rose to his feet, rattling his august mane,  his warlike yellow and black hide shining, and launched into his usual tirade:

     “How are my members going to be able to pick winning stocks when all the time, companies are merging, wheeling and dealing with other possible partners, hiring new managers, announcing new quarterly losses, or predicting future belt tightening? Why, it’s almost impossible to make money around here. My own stock lost 20% last week when its manager decided to change his own investment policy. You’re not supposed to change horses in the middle of a stream, are you?”

     He was interrupted by the president of the Horses of Instruction, speaking from his lofty seat on the podium. A beautiful white horse with his majestic mane shining with hope and confidence said, “This argument has gone on long enough. This is an investment bank, not a gambling casino. Your members all have been instructed to hire consultants who can and will help them to buy sane and sensible stocks, which when they hold them for years and years can and will provide them with a good income during their retirement years.

     “We don’t gamble here, we invest.”