Science Fiction Jokes

You know science has its jokes. Add fiction and see what you get. Culled from the F&SF Forum


A tachyon walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve FTL particles!”—Geoff Hart

A skeleton walks into a bar and says “Gimme a beer and a mop.”—Alnica  (couldn’t hold his liquor.)

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I think I lost an electron.” The other asks, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”—Winks

Two isotopes walk into a bar. One says “I got fired.” The other asks, “What for?” The first replies, “They said I was dense, unstable, and would probably end up splitting anyway.”—Kevin C.

Daredevil walks into a bar. Then a chair. Then a table…--Geoff Hart

A nihilist walks into a bar. “What’ll you have, fellow?” calls the barkeep. “Nothing,” says the nihilist.—Geoff Hart

A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food.”—Chris DeVito

A nihilist and Rene Descartes are drinking together in a bar. “Last call,” cries the barkeep. “Will you be having anything else, boys?” They answer “I think not!” simultaneously, creating an existential crisis.—Geoff Hart

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, “No, I’m traveling light.”—Marian

Did you hear about the nihilist who didn’t  believe in the supernatural? Not so odd, but he didn’t believe in the natural either.—John Thiel

Then there was the guy on medicare who complained that everything was going  wrong with his system.—John Thiel

Knock knock. Who’s there? –Precisely. I seem to have misplaced my tardis.—Geoff Hart

Did you hear about the Secret Master of Fandom who was so secret only he knew about it?—John Thiel

There was the one about the man who helped a leprechaun out of a jam and was rewarded with a wish. Unfortunately, the leprechaun was a bit deaf so the fellow ended up with a twelve-inch pianist. But boy, could that little guy play.—Matt Hughes

A fellow who had equations that would destroy everything reported them in a computer survey site. He posed a thread to security.—John Thiel

Little Willie’s gone away
Little Willie is no more
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4.—Marian

Did you hear about the nihilist who took out a full program and then cancelled all his options?—John Thiel

“Leaps ain’t  bought me nothing yet.”